Saturday, June 25, 2016

At Least I'm A Member of Phi Alpha Theta

With my Cal Poly undergrad career recently completed (two weeks ago), I have been taking some inner inventory and internalizing what I just experienced over the course of the past two years and accomplished when all is said and done. This is all rather complex and rife with conflicting emotions. I'm not yet able to be happy or excited about it as the joy of the experience got sucked right out by the events which transpired in my life both over the course of my two undergraduate years at Cal Poly as well as during yet another stretch run of yet another quarter. As a result of the shit sandwich which was the last couple of weeks of my undergrad career (got pertussis, was overwhelmed by senior project, two regular papers, and three finals, combined with Loved One doing their thing again as if on cue) I mostly just feel relieved it is over, grateful I survived it and grateful I was given the opportunity to go back to college in my 40's and grateful for the honor of being able to attend Cal Poly given the kind of school it is, grateful I graduated with a BA and grateful I was accepted into grad school there. I am also feeling a bit frustrated that I did not get better grades due to my own lack of adequate time-management at times and deadline anxiety issues combined with inexcusable distractions being thrown my way by people I love and trust. I need to figure out how to accept what is and focus on that gratitude, forgive people and myself and move on, and be content with a B+ average at Cal Poly despite being smart enough and capable enough of having gotten an A average. I am somewhat disappointed it did not work out for me to get involved with any on-campus activities like the Christian group or the Rose Parade Float-building club. Not living on campus but rather in Paso Robles made it effectively impossible to partake in these things nor did I acquire a girlfriend or wife there as I had hoped might happen. Perhaps I was expecting too many things to come out of my experience there or I am ungrateful for all that did come out of it. I need more time to sort things out both in regards to Cal Poly and in life generally. In any case, I did manage to accomplish one other thing at Cal Poly besides getting a diploma: I gained membership into Phi Alpha Theta, the history honorary society whose symbol is above.  

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