Well it happened again today. I stopped by to visit and guess what I discovered? It must have started yesterday. Apparently, it was once again triggered by "breathing problems" (read as Anxiety Attack) and self-medication ensued. This will not end well I fear. I've been going through this full-on for just over three years now and much longer than that peripherally and unaware. I am haunted by the words from
Alcoholics Anonymous'
Big Book which are read before every meeting. That the Big Book of A.A. was heavily influenced by the Bible (A.A.'s founders were Christians) can be seen throughout this breathtakingly beautiful and profound excerpt. I am haunted by multiple parts of this which God has been bringing to mind a lot the past several months not unlike how He brings to mind passages of Scripture. It is noteworthy that one can replace the word "alcohol" with the word "sin" and it all works just as well. Each can be seen as a metaphor of the other.
"Rarely have we seen
a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not
recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves
to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally
incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates.
They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are
naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which
demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average.
There are those,
too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many
of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose
in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we
are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing
to go to any length to get it -- then you are ready to take certain
steps.
At some of these
we balked. Thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could
not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless
and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to
our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we
deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too
much for us. But there is One who has all power that One is God. May
you find Him now!
Half measures availed
us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and
care with complete abandon.
Here are the steps
we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:
- We admitted
we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.
- Came to
believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us
to sanity.
- Made a
decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of
God as we understood Him.
- Made a
searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
- Admitted
to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature
of our wrongs.
- Were entirely
ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
- Humbly
asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
- Made a
list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make
amends to them all.
- Made direct
amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so
would injure them or others.
- Continued
to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted
it.
- Sought
through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact
with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge
of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
- Having
had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried
to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles
in all our affairs.
|
Many of us exclaimed,
"What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged.
No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence
to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing
to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides
to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection."
~ Chapter 5: How It Works
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