Monday, March 11, 2013

The Doors On My Present Life

The past 24 hours have been rather remarkable for me. Of late I have felt a bit overwhelmed in general and feeling like I'm falling behind in school in particular. I have been under a lot of pressure and stress relating to school and work and my volunteerism with the Santa Lucia Rockhounds for whom I'm their show chairman with the show coming up in early May. Needless to say I have a lot of irons in my fire.

Last night I was struggling with what felt like an insurmountable online homework burden due at 11:30 p.m. for which I had this overwhelming mental block that it could not be accomplished in time or that I could even do some of it at all due to its seeming technical complexity. Failure to do this work would threaten my ability to pass this class and graduate this coming May. It would also endanger my financial aid based upon my being a full-time student versus a part-time student. The previous online homework module saw me hardly complete any of it and fall completely out of contention for an A in the class due to my work schedule and poor time management by me. I soldiered on last night and did not quit and "kept chopping wood" and was able to "Brake On Through To The Other Side" to quote a Doors song title and lyric which is in my head tonight.

Also last night I completed composing a letter to my friend and boss listing changes in his behavior around me he will need to enact if I am to continue to work for him as the work environment has become increasingly frustrating and stressful not to mention dehumanizing. I will tolerate no more indignities and outrages from this man. I realized the time had come for this step a couple of weekends ago at the Ventura Gem & Mineral Show. After realizing this I could not get the Doors song "The End" out of my head for much of one of the days of the show. I don't know if I should have done this sooner but I finally did it after thinking about it since last year and often considering quitting out of frustration and exasperation. I mailed the missive this morning and had great peace in my heart throughout the composition of this piece and while printing it and while and since sending it off.

I am rather surprised and struck by two phenomenon that have emerged during this period. One is the surprisingly great peace and confidence I possess in my heart despite the fact my association with this man is probably over as a result of the letter. The other is the striking level of blessing I experienced today seeming as if in response to this act of faith in placing everything on the line with my primary employer. Everything went right for me today from big things to little thing both in regards to things to which I was expecting some less desirable outcome as well as in things I did not even see coming at all. I had an unexpected and delightful lunch with my dearest female friend other than my own mother. My public speaking class today went smooth and I understood some concepts being taught in it that had previously eluded me not to mention got back an assignment for which I got 100% credit and now feel in control in that class. I got a B and not a D on my math test last Wednesday I discovered tonight and understood everything discussed in math tonight. I got around to finally doing some small household chores that I have not been able to previously muster the energy to make myself do like take down my Christmas lights. I walked my dog for a second time today and dieted today getting the feeling I lost weight. I got show chairman business accomplished over the phone. I got employment lined up for myself tomorrow. I even received  a part-time job offer via email this morning. It was an unbelievable day with other details I won't get into but this suffices as a nice sampler.

I am excited at what the future holds for me with all of its inevitable changes and transitions all the while God is sovereign and omnipotent and fully in control of everything in my life and I trust Him wholly to provide for me and protect me as He has always done and always will. 

Below are the two aforementioned Doors song for your edification.


  1. When climbing a mountain the goal is to reach the top. When attending school full time the goal is to finish. Both are achieved best when given ones full attention. You will be 43 years old next month and still have no marketable skills. Put all of the other distractions aside, focus on getting some kind of degree and quit living off of charity.

  2. You are as rude as you are ill-informed. I have marketable skills already and my volunteerism not only enhances my life but adds more skill sets to my tool box. The reality is that most of my distractions are either work or school so your ignorant and condescending comments are internally and inherently self-contradictory. Might I suggest in the future that you attempt to be positive and supportive as opposed to a nattering nabob of negativity?

    1. I neglected to mention that your comment about living off of charity is a curious comment and likewise contradictory. If one does what you say and just focuses on school which "means work less" then one will necessarily be more dependent upon what you quaintly refer to as "charity" by which you mean financial aid. You don't even know what you are trying to say but you just wish to be a jerk and poor cold water on someone else's job. I won't let you do that: I'm still happy and thankful this morning!

    2. And of course being the personal coward you are you hid behind ANONYMOUS unwilling to put your name with your comments. The last person on Earth anybody should accept advice from is an ANONYMOUS!

  3. Living off charity? Quite a bold statement from someone who won't even leave his name. lol As a former student and now a retired English professor, I see that you lack a true comprehension of the process of education. One borrows money that has been set aside in order to meet the high cost of that education; when one graduates, then one repays those loans. That's not charity. That's an investment.

    Another concept I always told my all my students: life happens while you're off doing other things. Life doesn't happen in a vacuum. Life is messy. If you're cognizant of your surroundings and other people, then you're growing. And shit happens. Quite often, too. Students get cancer. Students are confronted with a lack of money, support, lonliness, abandonment, and pervading it all is that nagging feeling that someone will find out that you're not as smart as your grades.

    Marketable skills? I worked three part time jobs while attending full time at school. I often fell asleep at 4 way stop signs. I even cleaned out a ditch for someone one morning. And I fell in love with a person who lived 2,000 miles away. And then when I married him, a few years later, he died. You don't think about marketable skills while you're in school. School is your WORK. And then life smacks you up aside your head. But you go on. And if you ARE working at other jobs, then hey, isn't that marketable?

    Most of all, as a student, one learns how to ignore the stupidity of people like you and to continue to juggle finances, relationships, and those feelings of inadequacy. Especially, when those comments come from soneone who doesn't know shit about what a student's life is like. IF you were a student, then you must have been a machine. Glad I don't know you, if that was the case.

    Yes, eyes are on the prize at all points in school, but Kim has done remarkably well and I'm very proud of him. He will reach his goals, because I know him, apparently better than you. OH,and by the way, I am still working on my PhD and I'm 58.

    Rock on, Kim. If you were my student, I would be proud to have you in my class.

    1. Thanks Lin for always being there for me the past several years and up to the present... God has given me both an older sister (you) and a younger sister (Erin)... who says one cannot create their own family? ;-p

    2. Kimmer, I will always be your big sis. And if you ever need me, I'm only a phone call away. Sending big hugs of support and love for a young man whose gifts and presence in the world is much needed and very deeply valued.