Thursday, May 12, 2016

Something Was Wrong

For quite some time, but increasingly severely this quarter I have struggled with mental focus, motivation, ambition, and self-confidence..... I lost my mojo and felt overwhelmed by what I have to do to complete my coursework to graduate from Cal Poly a month from today. I have been often feeling powerless to do anything... especially as it pertains to my senior project at which I am severely behind schedule.

This morning the blinders came off and I recognized that something has been wrong.... I mean spiritually, not merely senioritus and college burn-out (which are also occurring), but also rather something deeper and more profound... and punitive. God has been gently disciplining me by withdrawing the full measure of blessing I have been more accustomed to and the full benefit of my God-given talents and skills. I have been like a ship in the Doldrums with hardly any guiding current of wind and water to motion me forth.... and I have not even recognized it.

This mild cursing has not been the consequence of any exotic or serious sin in the way we commonly rate/rank sins which is not God's perspective on sin anyway. For God any sin is sin no matter how small we might think it. No, I have not been away from God or out of right relationship with him. However, particular ongoing issues in my life I have left unaddressed or inadequately-addressed (like my tithe of time with God each day) or in other cases I've backslid into some things (like resuming arguing politics on Facebook after I had sworn off of that last month at God's insistence). There have been other things, too, but now you get the picture I hope.

God has pushed back on me to get my attention because He loves me and wants me to be close to Him and thus in a healthy relationship with Him which my selfishness, sloth, and stubbornness have hindered in recent months. Me being the knucklehead I am it took me awhile to figure it out. Scripture reveals "For whom the Lord loves he chastens and disciplines each of his children."(Hebrews 12:6) I have accepted the reproof and made things right and today was the most amazing day I have had in longer than I can remember. God is great and I love Him as He loves me!


  1. this is answered prayer..... I am so happy draw close to HIm and He will draw close to you... He has so many plans for you Kim!!!!!
    the word the word the word!!!!! it is there He waits for us
    you made my day!!!! billie ( goodshepaerd55)

  2. come study with me on the bible bus
    studying proverbs check out this for you Kim Prov 3 vs 11-12
    that's God!!! Billie