Today I learned some things. Church was good. I got a decent sermon out of New Day Church pastor Brad Alford whose church now shares my church's building (North County Christian Fellowship Church) here in Paso Robles, CA. Today was held a joint service of both churches. Pastor Alford discussed reconciliation which I need to make with myself still it seems as I was reminded this morning.
This morning I finally recognized that my heart has been being grieved throughout this quarter by some of the curriculum I'm being taught in the Education Department at my university. Some of these ideas come straight from Hell. I recognized this from Day One, but did not realize until today that it has been adversely affecting me. It is one thing to teach unconditionally treating people with decency and respect and sensitivity whom live in ways that are strange to us or with whom we disagree. That is right and just and decent and Christian. Concerning that I can agree with it wholeheartedly. However, where they are indoctrinating us to change how we think about certain foundational things into new ways of thinking of those things such as are contrary to sound doctrine and natural law, I cannot accept. Then there is all the political correctness I am required to endure this quarter in particular parts of the curriculum.
Then there is the matter of the structure and content of my classes which thus far leave something to be desired. We are being swamped with too much coursework that aside from the useful stuff of which there is admittedly much, there is in some other cases information and coursework that is at best useless or worse, damnable. My heart has been grieved all quarter long and it has affected my performance. Now I fully recognize why and it is a relief to my soul and mind.
This is on top of the disruption to my life caused by the struggles of Loved One. That person is in a Renaissance of sorts now for over 40 days. However, much damage is now already done to me. I have had the mental-emotional pins knocked out from under me. I am learning to trust again. I seek to find rest in my heart while regaining my mojo.
On top of all that, I'm dealing with the annual appearance of my mild S.A.D. as Autumn deepens towards Winter. Only just this past week did I recognize that this has returned and consequently I can now manage it.
Unfortunately, I'm now behind in several assignments and getting some zeroes on things. I am concerned I will not pass this quarter in all my classes and flunk out of the teaching credential program. God, please help me!
Tomorrow I plan to work my ass off at home getting caught up while I also recover from a mild cold I picked up late last week. Whatever happens, God is with me, even if I do flunk out. He will still love me and have use for me. I will focus on the things I can control and not worry about what I cannot control. This is my choice, this is my power, such as it is, with all its limitations.