Saturday, August 27, 2016

Cthulhu-Worshipping CERN Sacrifices Rare Virgin

Recently, a lost-footage reel was released revealing a seemingly darkly pagan-looking nocturnal ritual occurring outdoors on a lawn on campus of CERN culminating in the ritualistic human sacrifice of a seemingly mind-controlled female volunteer sacrifant. The footage concludes with the young-ish-sounding male film-maker reacting to the murder in horror and shock and then running for his life through the campus building from whence he filmed which appeared to be adjacent to the aforementioned lawn. It suddenly concludes mid-flight.

More open-minded people have taken this to be a real event surreptitiously recorded by a now-vanished videographer while officials and more skeptical people have declared it a hoax. If the latter were the case, it was perpetrated contrary to the professional code and possibly the regulations binding the facility. Of course, you and I know our fellow cultists at CERN are devoted followers of Cthulhu who gives them unfathomable revelations through madness-inducing dreams regarding what amounts to the magic of the Old Ones which CERN publishes as if it were new discoveries in particle physics. These devoted cultist-researchers if one could have heard them in the found footage were chanting "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn." Cthulhu approves this blog post
*NOTE: for my unhip and literary-impaired readers, the above post is utterly tongue-in-cheek.

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