Picture of the Day - Anal-ysis of My Weekend

This is the death toll my derriere inflicted upon my household toilet paper stores over the weekend and perhaps including Friday. Apparently, I have been afflicted with food poisoning the past few days, especially severely so today and yesterday. At first I feared I was going to die and later I feared I would not. I was already falling under the power of this food-borne pathogen late last Wednesday or definitely by the day following. However, I was wholly unaware of what joys awaited me in the days to come. TRIGGER WARNING for TMI on my GIT: if you have delicate sensitivities about things scatological then read no further! In all my life I have never come close to Number One-ing out of my Number Two port with such energy and voluminousness. Had my intestinal storms been any worse I would have needed to be strapped to my toilet seat. My abdominal utterances appeared to have been conversing as one region seemed to respond to those of another in an unknown, but vile, tongue. Quite fortunately, early on in the assault I cleverly extinguished the ring of fire by means of transforming my shower into a bidet. Good day! Photo by Kim Patrick Noyes (all rights reserved).