A Little Update On Where I Am Today

Since late last November or early last December I have had an appointment for mom for this Tuesday, February 2nd, set up with her first doctor since the late 1980s (when she had Delmar Greenleaf) that I got her through her Medicare Advantage Plan that I got her. One of the important and timely reasons for this appointment is so she can get the process started for getting ADA-certified for a handicap placard. This would force the city to allow us to keep her ramp to her front deck contrary to municipal building code's mandates. She knows she needs the placard just for her own convenience given how crippled she is becoming AND it would give her the convenience of the ramp AND it would make the house saleable at full market value which would benefit her AND it would mean I would not have to find her a roommate with an ADA placard whom she might not like living in her home. I made all of this abundantly clear to her yesterday because I know her well enough to know she might take off because she compulsively and impulsively avoids doing things she needs to do and seems to know when she can disrupt my life most and then do it to get attention. 

When I reminded her of this she informed me she planned on day-tripping down to Altadena for the day (Sunday) to visit her parent's grave on the 24th anniversary of her mother's death. This raised alarm bells because of the proximity in time to her appointment and her aforementioned proclivity. She also had recently told me how tired she was that she claimed she had no energy to be taking trips right now. I countered that I would like to go with her because I have not visited those graves since the last time I was with her doing the same thing about 15 years ago. She counter-countered that someone from A.A. (her go-to lying mechanism about having "people" with whom she needs to do stuff) was going with her and there was no room for me as mom has her car always packed (backseat is filled) for the Apocalypse and lives out of her car even when she is at home. I doubted the truth of her story but hoped she would keep to the day-trip aspect. 

I went down to her house tonight and she has not returned which means she took off as I feared. Her modus operandi would be to overnight at the Best Western King's Inn in Kingman, AZ. She probably never even went to her parent's gravesite which was a cover story for her latest insane adventure in avoidance and disruption. She still might return home tomorrow in time for the appointment but things are not looking good right now. I choose to not stress on what I cannot control. I can control my choices and I choose to focus on trusting God to keep mom from going on a bender and hurting/killing someone in a DUI accident. I also will go into Dr. Kiger's tomorrow and see if he can get mom set up with the paperwork for ADA placard via walk-in visit because if mom misses her appointment it's another two month wait and the deck ramp thing won't wait that long. Perhaps driving mom to Kiger later this week can accomplish this task for our family.

I woke up this past morning after sleeping 8 hours feeling like something bad is about to happen. I decided attending my church is not what I needed this Sunday. Instead, I elected to focus on the specific things I know I need right now for what may come soon. I have no control over other people's decisions let alone the consequences of same and I have no control over the consequences of my own choices. My own power is the power of my own agency given to me by my loving Creator who is also using the things I experience to teach me and to modify me. I chose to sit down and get still and quiet and spend some time in quiet prayer with God and got into the word reading various parts of the Book of Hebrews. I selected some songs performed by Mahalia Jackson and Tennessee Ernie Ford to listen to for this day's worship music. I then listened to a full sermon by my late maternal grandfather. After that I prepared a 4-egg omelet with veggies and Parmesan cheese and salsa verde dumped over it and ate 8 slices of bacon. After that I elected to take a 10-mile walk. Then I made a conscious decision to be around healthy people and watched all four currently-dropped episodes of WandaVision to get caught up on that TV series. 

 

Today I lived mindfully, employing mechanisms and strategies that are healthy and helpful and move my process along despite the chaos and disruption I am headed back into with my mom. I also once again gave mom to God and asked Him to take this burden from me as I feel it is close to becoming harmful to my well-being. God is in control; I am not. Let come what may! Everything is going to be okay in the end. It is not the end because it is not okay right now.

 

Public Safety Encryption Is Bad For Public Safety

This week the Orange County Fire Authority and Orange County Sheriff's Department began full or near-full encryption of their radio communications for fire and law. I'm not talking about the sort of stuff that has been encrypted for years because it was S.W.A.T. activity or surveillance operations and such. I'm talking about classic routine radio communications that so many of us have monitored our entire lives. I grew up in a household which in the 1970s listened to such radio traffic all the time. This is a growing trend in American life as governments at all levels become more militarized and secretive in the post-9/11 world covered in the fig-leaf terrorist concerns and mass shootings. Also, Motorola needs more useless shit (in this context) to sell taxpayers that not only do they not need, but it is not in their self-interest to purchase it through their local governments. There are many different reasons to oppose this trend of which each are valid. Below, my online HAM and fellow scannerhead Ben a.k.a. AI6YRHAM tweeted the below remark earlier today and much more eloquently than myself or anybody else I read making the public safety argument against. This is the argument which I feel most strongly about, even more so than the troubling secretive authoritarian militarization aspect of this trend let alone the inconvenience to the scanner-listening hobby which is the least important argument but an argument nonetheless.

How It Works

Well it happened again today. I stopped by to visit and guess what I discovered? It must have started yesterday. Apparently, it was once again triggered by "breathing problems" (read as Anxiety Attack) and self-medication ensued. This will not end well I fear. I've been going through this full-on for just over three years now and much longer than that peripherally and unaware. I am haunted by the words from Alcoholics Anonymous' Big Book which are read before every meeting. That the Big Book of A.A. was heavily influenced by the Bible (A.A.'s founders were Christians) can be seen throughout this breathtakingly beautiful and profound excerpt. I am haunted by multiple parts of this which God has been bringing to mind a lot the past several months not unlike how He brings to mind passages of Scripture. It is noteworthy that one can replace the word "alcohol" with the word "sin" and it all works just as well. Each can be seen as a metaphor of the other.


"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average.
There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it -- then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. Thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power that One is God. May you find Him now!
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.  Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.  Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.  Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.  Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection." 

~ Chapter 5: How It Works

Alas, My Newest Crush Is Married

Move over, Kate Beckinsale, I have a new crush. Tonight, I watched last year's Wonder Woman movie. By the end of the nearly 2-1/2 hour movie, I was and remain besotted with  Gal Gadot. Quite unfortunately, she's already taken. Otherwise, I'd like totally have a chance with her. Then again, Kate is currently unmarried now so we'll see.

Below is a rather effective final official trailer for this movie which movie I highly recommend to anybody whose not a stick in the mud.

PC-Attack of the SJWs-by-Proxy

*NOTE: for the uninitiated, PC = Political Correctness and SJW = Social Justice Warrior.

Nothing is ever perfect even when it is fairly awesome. Such was the case with my student feedback this year in regards to my student teaching at Atascadero High School. While I got great marks from my master teacher and my university advisor, not to mention from pretty much every one of my students, two of my students chose to interpret reality in a distinctly different way and act accordingly based upon that interpretation.

Let me explain.

Some months ago a particular student of mine who has been rather wayward at times and challenged my authority albeit mostly by way of going right up to the line but not entirely crossing over it, was rough-housing and being disruptive one day. I was alone as my master teacher was elsewhere which further emboldened this student. Given I do have a good rapport with this student and with the students with which he was being unruly and this behavior had been an ongoing thing albeit to a much lesser extent than the day in question, I elected to playfully needle this football athlete. I pointed out to the close how cute he and this other student are together as they flirt with each other adding the caveat "not that there's anything wrong with it" which could be taken literally or sarcastically. This ploy ultimately had the desired effect with much laughter and the student in question was clearly not offended or harmed by this but he did settle down.

A month and a half or two months later on the day of the final for the class in question (Period 1) I passed my yearbook around for students to sign if they liked while other students finished their final. There was much confusion near the end of class as I signed student's yearbooks and they finish signing mine. When I finally got alone I realized there was an envelope on my computer addressed "Mr. Noyes". Inside was the letter above. The author signed it as did a second student. Both students are A-level students. Both students did not sign my yearbook despite my having a good rapport with them in class.

Photo by Kim Patrick Noyes (all rights reserved).

I really do hate Political-Correctness and Social Justice Warrior-dom. This letter reinforces those feelings. If this had come from an adult(s) directly, I would bother to even dissect it here and certainly would have challenged the author(s) to a respectful but blunt discussion about its contents. However, since it was composed by 15/16-year-olds and merely parrots what they heard or read PC SJW adults say or write, therefore I do not hold it to the usual standard nor do I take it personally. These kids are being unduly influenced by snowflake adults in their lives who are teaching them how to alienate the majority of other fellow-Americans who not only don't share their worldview but also don't like being patronized and condescended to by people attempting to shame others into agreeing with them or elsewise shutting up.

These girls should have come and talked to me the very day this event happened or at least shortly thereafter. Leaving me a snotty and judgemental letter as a parting shot the last day of school, months later, is not a good way to win hearts and minds. Worse yet, they did this instead of, not in addition to signing my yearbook. They also made many factual and interpretive errors in their critique of my comments that day in class. However, these are kids, not adults and they are incredibly vulnerable to being brainwashed by those with agendas seeking to control their malleable young minds. I was the subject of a minor social attack in the Culture War by proxy of the adults who originally instilled in these girls the vocabulary and cultural worldview found in the note.

To me, all students are special and to be protected, not merely tiny special interest groups within the broader student body. I'm everybody's ally, not just gay students' ally. I also will joke with my students about most human behaviors most of which are subject to being referred to in my humor. I later had the opportunity to talk briefly with one of the girls and thanked her for taking the time to put the letter together and for having the courage to stand up to a teacher. However, I gently informed her it would have been more useful had they simply talked to me a the time of the event as I would have welcomed a dialogue on the subject. I also informed her that the door is still open to such if they see me on campus in the coming school year.

To view a nice surprise I was given by another student go HERE.
To view 20 awesome comments in my yearbook from my students go HERE. 

Covfefe Coverage

Enough already with this covfefe thing.... I can't stand the guy either, but for chrissakes haven't we all mistyped before? Hell, I'm as bad a pedant as there is on earth and even I sometimes send something out across social networks that my fingers or finger-brain connection garbles. There is plenty to mock about this guy without nitpicking nits. This kind of autistic fuckery on the part of the smug and snarky "progressive" Left is how Trump came to power in the first place.... please don't help him remain in power by seeming to validate the decision by Trump voters to be Trump voters. 

*Note: I have made a few snarky posts here and there myself on social networks about "covfefe", but that did not last long and I do that regarding just about anything containing any humor value.

Picture of the Day - Always a Guard, Never a Groom

Today/tonight, I once again worked a beautiful and romantic wedding, this time at Four Sisters Winery, northeast of Paso Robles. For some reason tonight I found myself thinking about my continued solitary journey through this life and wondering if this is merely temporary or the shape of things to come. Photo by Kim Patrick Noyes (all rights reserved).

I Really Choose To Be Free

Yesterday, the 2000 trance track "Be Free" by Trance Cowboys came to my mind fairly out of thin air. I only know of it because it is featured in Taucher's 2000 live concert recording Live @ Webster Hall New York City which I purchased only a few years after it was released. Upon thinking of this I realized I needed to listen to it again and I also realized it was a repetition (for emphasis) of the liberation them God has been communicating to me lately as it pertains to both myself and my best friend. I say "repetition" because recently I unexpectedly encountered another track titled "Be Free" which God used to communicate to me the same message which I shared HERE. The above version of "Be Free" starts at 19:11 and ends at about the 23:52 mark.
*NOTE: there is another trance track on this recording which I have shared before on this blog HERE which track I consider the theme (or one of the themes) musical scores to my life titled "Winter Love" which starts at about the 28-minute mark.

Loving Tigers

As I explained about a month and a half ago HERE, I have been oft-obsessed with Tiger tanks thus far in 2017, particularly the Tiger II design. Not mentioned in the aforementioned post, is my second-place obsession with the Tiger I (seen in the above meme in the bottom half), which although not quite as bad-assed as the Tiger II, actually looked very much more bad-assed IMHO. My younger-brother-by-another-mother, Blake, shared this meme with me yesterday. I love it and it still speaks to my oddball mind and its obsessions and wanderings.

It's My &#%!@?! Party (And I'll Cry If I Want To)

This week was my Easter Vacation and today was my birthday and both have sucked dogs' bollocks. Leslie Gore's 1963 hit "It's My Party" is my anthem today.

Lynda's Song, Too

On September 6, 2013, I posted HERE that I considered Depeche Mode's 2005 hit "Precious" to be the theme song of my friend Erin's life. While that is still true to me, it is also now equally true to me that this is also the theme song to the life of my best friend Lynda as well. The song was written by band member Martin Gore (not the singer, but rather the guy at far left of the three band members reclining in the video). It refers to his children by ex-wife lingerie designer and model Suzanne Boisvert-Gore and the harm he fears has happened to them from the split. There are also a few references to what happened to the marriage which led to the divorce. It is a beautifully sad song and many parts of it are open to reinterpretation towards applying to other types of sad scenarios in life. Lynda and Erin have more in common that I ever conceived previous to today. Here are the lyrics:

Precious and fragile things
Need special handling
My God what have we done to you
We always tried to share
The tenderest of care
Now look what we have put you through

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

Angels with silver wings
Shouldn't know suffering
I wish I could take the pain for you
If God has a master plan
That only He understands
I hope it's your eyes He's seeing through

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

I pray you learn to trust
Have faith in both of us
And keep room in your hearts for two

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

Lyrics courtesy of AZLyrics.com

Scripture of the Day - Peter (IPet.5:7-9)

Today, as every day lately, I felt overwhelmed and powerless and stuck in an indecisive quagmire of the mind. Between struggling with EdTPA and with the latest struggles and failures of Loved One, I have been tempted to despair. Today while I was variously out driving while running errands or while walking my dog this evening, I found these passages of Scripture entering my mind unsolicited by me and each directly addressing what I was in that moment contemplating. Two of these passages have already been posted on this blog previously HERE and HERE. However, the third one is new to this column in this blog and I share it with you now:

"Cast all your worries upon Him, for He cares about you. Be sober-minded, be watchful; because your adversary the devil, as a prowling lion, roams about seeking whom he may devour. Resist him standing firm in your faith, being ever mindful that such struggles are being experienced by your brethren throughout the world."
~ I Peter 5:7-9 (Kimicus ad Absurdum translation)

Why I Unsubbed From MoveOn.Org Tonight

Tonight I unsubscribed from MoveOn.org. I'm not a member of that particular narrow cultural-political sub-culture of touchy-feely Liberal activism. However, the mother of the girl I once thought I'd marry once invited me to sign a MoveOn.Org page about opposing California State Park's then-attempt to destroy a stand of eucalyptus trees in their quixotic quest to eliminate non-native flora in state parks. I signed the online petition as I have always opposed that idea even when it came up locally in San Simeon State Park back in the 2000s. Since then I kept myself signed up for MoveOn.Org's regular emails about other online petition in the spirit of "keep your friends close and your enemies closer."

However, the intellectual turning point for me was tonight when I was asked to sign my name to oppose the current President's decision today to punish Syria for launching a chemical attack against its own people by tonight firing 50 cruise missiles at a single Syrian Air Force Base, hitting all but one intended target and killing some Syrian military personnel. The mentally-retarded, spiritually dead, morally bankrupt milquetoast pantywaist Liberals behind this email announcing the petition drive had the temerity to write: "It's an illegal and unauthorized escalation that could have devastating consequences, killing innocent Syrians and costing the lives of U.S. service members." Of course, this neglects to acknowledge that Presidents Clinton, Bush, and Obama also employed "cruise missile diplomacy" during their tenures. President Obama pussied out of enforcing his own "line in the sand" stand against chemical weaspons being used in Syria by the government against its citizens a few years ago when he got out-foxed by Russian dictator V. Putin. Thus emboldened, Putin subsequently sent Russian air combat assets to Syria and thus blocked much additional U.S. action in many parts of Syria that might help protect more people from being gassed by the Assad regime in Syria. Don't get me wrong: I viscerally detest President Trump, even more so than former President Obama whom I also revile.

I'll be the first to admit Trump is an abject and utter liar and hypocrite to sanctimoniously and self-righteously talk during the election of taking care of America first and staying out of foreign entanglements only to launch about 50 cruise missiles at Syria over some atrocity there which does not effect Americans and which course of actions puts us on a collision course with Russian which possesses over 7,000 nuclear weapons. Trump has turned out to be either just as big a liar and hypocrite as any professional politician, only worse because he claimed to be something different, OR he has been telling the truth as he knows it but is so over his depth and so wishy-washy and impulsive that he literally just changed his mind entirely in regards to U.S. interests in Syria. Perhaps is daughter, who seems to be the conscience of the Trump Administration, was bothered by this latest atrocity in Syria and whispered in his ear to do something about it. Or perhaps Syrian President Assad and his gas attack are being used to distract the American people and rally support for Trump whose popularity with the American people is at a historic low for new Presidents in the modern era.

However, that being said, Trump did do something tonight that was beyond mere Liberal platitudes and righteous indignation and hand-wringing such as the aforementioned Progressive online petitioners would advocate. Rather, he did something which could possibly do nothing to fix anything or actually change everything. At least Trump's seemingly impulsive and reckless action, as an act of change relative to Obama-era policies, can reasonably be considered as a possible solution to the problem of the use of Syrian WMD's in their ongoing insurrection. The status quo has not worked. The Lib-tard opposition to this cruise missile strike on an air force base as if that was a huge risk of civilian casualties on a level comparable to the gas attack on the Syrian people today reinforces my view that many Liberals are either evil and/or stupid people and and that Liberalism in America is a mental illness for many such infected people.

My First Encounter With Trump (Sorta)

Trump’s Multi-Level Marketing Telecom Endorsement
Is Another Example of His Terrible Judgement

Donald Trump endorsed the multi-level marketing telecommunications firm
“American Communications Network” just as the company was failing.

nationalreview.com

On this April Fool's Day, for some reason I am reminded of the time back in 2009 when I was being consumed by the Great Recession and my former world was in collapse. Somebody with whom I went to high school invited me over to a gathering to recruit new customers/sales reps for this product for this pyramid scheme, er, multi-level marketing scheme. I was desperate so I attended as I was not informed as to the nature of what the gathering was about aside from it being a business opportunity. The centerpiece of the night was an all-too smooth and enthusiastic endorsement video featuring Donald Trump extolling the virtues of this product and the company which markets it. My bullshit alarm was triggered and I never contacted the person again. Seven years later, millions of Americans got swindled by this master swindler selling an even more defective product: himself. Of course, this comes the day after Donald Trump who as Candidate Trump promised to fight lawsuits against his now-defunct and discredited Trump University swindle. Yesterday, he agreed to pay his victims $25 million which most agree was a bargain for the President.

Absolutely Degenerate Basket of Deplorables

I'm not sure if I should be ashamed or proud to be a charter member of the Absolutely Degenerate Basket of Deplorables, but I am what I am. We have been un-PC-ly subverting the popular culture for well over a year now and at some point need to upgrade to a podcast. Memes courtesy of the PhotoShop kung-fu of Stephen Soto (all rights reserved).

King Tiger

I started this month mentioning something relating to the World War II-era German military (Wehrmacht) and in particular, the Germany Army (Heer). I'm finishing this month on a similar note. For reasons I cannot fathom, I have been obsessed with the World War II German-era Tiger II or Königstiger (King Tiger in Anglo-American English). In idle moments I find myself regularly imaging myself commanding one such tank in a final futile battle somewhere in western Europe towards war's end destroying a lot of American (esp. M4 Shermans) and British tanks (esp. Cromwells) and tank destroyers (such as M10 Wolverines) before being forced to surrender after running out of ammo. I have a strong feeling this is a metaphor for something. I sure hope I'm not engaged in a lost cause at present and don't realize it. Below is a sample of the tank to which I refer. It was the best tank in the world up into the 1950s and some are still being used in the Syrian Civil War right now as a measure of how great they were and still are.

Injury Report 2/19/2017

Today I worked parking for Vino Vice, Inc. at the Rhone Rangers event at Broken Earth Winery in rural, unincorporated Paso Robles, CA. While working there, I injured my left knee fairly badly and have turned up severely gimpy as a result. I hope I can make a full recovery from this sans medical assistance. Undoubtedly, this injury is a reminder that I need to lose weight as 300 pounds is putting too much strain on my knees. This merely reinforces and adds urgency to my weight loss and physical fitness goals for this spring/summer. It also doesn't help that I'm 46 years old and no "spring chicken." Being fat and forty-something isn't for wimps.

Virtues of Patience, Persistence, & Perseverance

Today into tonight's Super Bowl 51 was a game for the ages, by super bowl or playoff game or regular season game or preseason game standards of greatness. For me the simple takeaway were the virtues of patience, persistence, and perseverance. Tom Brady, love him or hate him, put on a clinic showing the value of those virtues. He seemed to be on his back all game long but kept getting back up off turf and willing himself and his team to victory over a younger and healthier and more energetic team.

Ominous Pink Glow Is Gone

I just realized my computer monitor no longer has a pink hue to it as was the case with it before. I also forgot that I moved my radioactive mineral specimen outside wondering if I needed to store it further away and the two events coincide in time now that I think about it. #glowinthedarkKim

R.I.P Winter 2016/2017

Today, when I left Atascadero High School after classes ended for the day, I walked across campus to my car. During that walk I experienced an epiphany. I realized that deep winter is done here and we have transitioned to late winter/early spring from a local climatological standpoint. I can't well-explain the feeling and ideation occurring at that time, but it was very instinctual. The shortest days and longest nights and lowest average seasonal temperatures are now past although there will be more cold nights and stormy weather to come in the next two months or so. Already in recent days and weeks I have observed the ever-lengthening days and shortening nights and higher-angle sunlight. As you might have guessed by now, I'm rather quite light sensitive. So, today when I realized this thing, I felt incredibly happy and a sense of relief swept over me in light of the fact I do suffer annually from mild S.A.D. I so look forward to the first warm day and the blossoms that will soon bud as they do every February here.